Where to go from here

There I was, holding my 9 month old son, and I just found out my world was forever changed.  My fiancé had betrayed me in the worst possible way. 

My mind was jumping all over the place, wondering what I was going to do.  It’s funny because the minute I found out he was cheating, I didn’t get angry, I didn’t cry, it was just pure vindication for me.  All I could say was “ha, I knew it!”  And that’s exactly what I said to him.  All the times he said it wasn’t true, all the times he tried to turn the situation around on me and say I was seeing things that weren’t there and all the times he didn’t answer his phone I just felt it in my core that he was up to no good.  Now I knew the truth.

I was cold and mean at first.  I told him it was over and that I wanted him to leave.  Stabbing him with my words by letting him know he just gave me an open door to be with someone else and calling him all sorts of cruel names.  The more I spoke with him the deeper my anger got.   I was so stressed with raising our son, almost all by myself, that I was nearly falling over with exhaustion from the sleepless nights.  It infuriated me to know that while I was going through all of this, he was out enjoying his life as if he was single and didn’t have a care in the world. 

I immediately removed the ring from my finger.  To me, that ring had meant something.  It was a promise to be married; his commitment to me and our family.  In my mind, it obviously didn’t mean anything to him, so why should it now mean anything to me?

His initial reaction to me finding out was shock followed by the realization that he had just ruined the best thing he ever had.  He pleaded with me to give him another chance.  He told me he had made a mistake and he had never loved her.  He wanted his family and he would do whatever it took to keep it.  He begged me to put the ring back on, but I refused.  Why should I oblige his wishes when it was clear I was an afterthought to him during his affair?  He asked if we could go to counseling, something he had always resisted when I suggested it in the past when we needed help, thinking we were just having communication issues.  Turns out, it was far worse than I had ever imagined.  If we were only having problems communicating, then I wouldn’t be going through the most excruciating mental anguish I was at that very moment.

The saddest part about the entire thing was that no matter how angry I was at him, there was still that part of me that loved him.  As much as I wanted to be tough and tune him out, I could still feel myself wanting to hear what he had to say.

That night seemed like the longest night in my life and it was far from over.

Jezika 🙂


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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I discovered my husband was having an emotional relationship with another woman which was headed toward a full blown affair last July. My first thought has always been I would leave as well but we’ve been married 15 years. This is not a decision to be made lightly or to get vindication. You have to realize that it takes alot of courage and strength to stay if you feel the relationship is worth saving. I still haven’t made up my mind permnantly as we are both in counseling to see if it is fixable. I would suggest taking the necessary time to let you feelings settle and then make the decision.

    • Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry for what you went through and you’re right it’s not an easy decision. Counseling is very important, this happened 2 years ago for us and it definitely changed our lives. I really hope that you find peace and you are able to recover from it. It is a challenge to rebuild the relationship but as long as they put in the effort to prove their fidelity and they are remorseful for it, then it is possible to find the love again. You can even become a stronger couple from it. I wish you the best of luck.

      • I hate when people say to just get over it. Its just not that easy. My step dad Timmy, broke my moms heart when he cheated on her. I was only about 8, and I didnt understand exactly what it meant until I saw her in tears, and she said that daddy wouldnt be comming home. He wanted to be with someone else. It was devistating watching my mom cry every day, and talk to her friends about how worthless she felt, because she wasnt good enough. Peole too often dont realize how hard it is for the kids. Thinking that your family was enough to make them stay, but instead, his/hers selfishness and ego lead them down the “greener pasture”

      • Dawn I’m sorry that your mom and you had to go through that. People often forget that the children involved suffer from infidelity just as much and sometimes more. It affects their world as well and can cause them to distrust and have relationship issues in their adult lives. Your mom was lucky to have your support. HUGS!!!

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