What’s done in the dark will come to light

The night I found out about my fiance’s affair was a night I felt would last forever.  In fact, the entire day seemed like a dream.  A dream I wanted to wake up from and realize it was only a nightmare and none of this was really happening.  But I couldn’t hide from the reality of the situation. 

The day started off like any other typical day.  It was a Thursday, and I was excited for the weekend to begin because we normally spent the weekends together as a family.   As usual, my fiancé woke up earlier than I did and went to “work”.  While I was at work he called as he was driving home.  A police officer saw him on the cell phone so he told me he had to go but would call me back.  He did call back to tell me that they were arresting him.  Apparently, he had unpaid parking tickets dating back to when he was married, which was several years before we met.  His license had been suspended and therefore they had to take him to jail.  He told me where he parked the car so that my mom could go downtown and pick up the keys from him and take the car home.  Most women would be worried if their significant other was arrested but I wasn’t.  This wasn’t the first time he had been caught and arrested for driving with a suspended license.  I was actually really irritated that it was happening again and contemplated whether this was the type of relationship I wanted to be in.  We were having so many issues lately and I had reached my limit.  I called my mom, told her what had happened and she went down to the precinct, to get the car keys from him and bring the car home.

What happened next actually made me wonder “what was he thinking?”  This man, who was having a secret relationship with another woman and used his cell to communicate with her, voluntarily handed my mom all the evidence I needed.  For months prior to this incident, he was having nightmares and would wake up, hug me, tell me he loved me and he would never leave me.  At the time, I thought it was just moments of tenderness and affection from him however, in all honesty I believe it was his guilt over the entire situation.  It takes a lot of energy to keep two separate relationships going simultaneously without exposing the deceit to your family and the one you love.  The other woman may have begun to demand he end our relationship, which he was not willing to do, and the pressure was getting to him.  All of this was pure speculation, however I do believe this was what was going on between them at that time. 

My mother called to tell me she had picked up the car along with his cell phone.  My initial reaction was relief.  Now I could finally get the answers I had craved for so long.  The phone held all the proof that I needed to confirm my suspicions.  I was ready to know the truth.   I asked my mom to leave his cell phone in my room and immediately ran home from work.  She knew I had suspected him of having an affair and did as I asked.  As soon as I got home I went straight to my room, grabbed the cell phone and braced myself.  My heart was racing, I knew deep down that I was going to see something I didn’t like.  I hoped and prayed that I was wrong while still preparing myself for the worst.  I opened up the phone and quickly scanned through the text messages.  My hands were shaking as I opened each text.  Finally, I found one under a woman’s name (she will remain nameless), I took a deep breath and started reading it.  This is the message I read:  “I can’t get you off my mind, call me when you can, I love you so much.  XOXO.”  I felt like throwing up, it was worse than I thought.  What hurt the most was reading the words “I love you so much”.  This wasn’t just a one night stand or a simple flirtation.  She loved him, there were emotions involved.  I knew that he had heard her say these words to him and wondered if he had said them back. 

So many things raced through my mind.  Do I call her?  Do I really want to hear her voice?  Did she know about me?  Did she know about our son?  So I decided to text her back from his phone.  I didn’t know why I was prolonging the inevitable or why I pretended to be him.  I have no idea what I had hoped to accomplish by sending her that text.  My text was a vague response that read “oh, so you can’t get me off your mind?”  Perhaps I wanted to know how much information she knew.  She wrote back “where are you?”, and I responded back with “I had to do family stuff”.  All of a sudden the phone rang and it was her.  I didn’t think it was possible but my heart was beating even faster.  This was the moment I would get all my answers. 

I ran to the privacy of my bathroom, opened the phone and replied “so you love my fiancé so much, huh?”

Jezika 🙂

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21 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Oh honey I have tears in my eyes as I read this as it’s very possible I am going thru the same thing again after 30 years of marriage. Not sure but I am watching. You put into words so clearly the emotional and mental pain of rollercoaster hell.
    Your blog is a blessing to me sister thank you

    • Deb, I hope to god that you’re not in the same place you were 30 years ago. Have faith that it isn’t so. I’m so happy I can give you strength and support. Thank you for reading. We got to stick together. Anything you need, I’m here.

  2. Hi jezika,
    What an emotional read. You went through a hard time.
    I admire you for your strenght.
    Thanks for sharing your story.
    Gros bisous ma belle.

    • Thank you Mel. I am so glad that you appreciate my story. Thank you for the support.

  3. Sweetheart those lines are so relevant to so many woman some men too, maybe, I don’t know It’s pages from so many lives mine,included, God Bless you and glad you have the courage to put it all out there as a voice for all of us.

    • Thank you Charity. It’s unfortunate that all are too familiar with my story. But I’m glad that I can maybe give the strength to others to not be afraid to talk about it. I want people to feel less alone and provide support to those who don’t have any.

  4. I got the chills reading that. It reminds me of my own feelings! Hell that you are not sure if you really want answer’s to. xob

    • I feel like most people, even though the situations are different, often have the same rollercoaster of emotions. Sometimes ignorance is bliss but then you are sort of forced to know the truth at some point. Even if it’s not really what you want to know. Sorry for what you went through as well.

  5. I called not knowing my “Head in the sand” syndrome. The signs were there I chose to ignore them. Once forced to face the facts due to snooping, I was almost relieved. Is that crazy or what? I had 2 small children, my marriage had just been torpedoed and I felt relief that I wasn’t crazy.

    • It’s not crazy at all. We know something isn’t right, you don’t want to be crazy, so you look. Then you want to kick yourself for knowing the truth because the feelings that come after are so hard to deal with. Sometimes I would say, I wish I could just go back in time and forget that I knew. But yes, the relief of not being crazy is worth it.

  6. Hey sweetie. I haven’t been through this exact situation but feel some of the same emotions you describe. Mine was learning my husband no longer loved me after 17 years, high school sweethearts, and 3 kids later. It was something I would make excuses for in order not to accept what he was saying to me. Like it was just mid life crisis and he would come around.

    You know I love ya and am behind you 100% with what you are doing here and I know that you are so humbled and happy that you are able to take your pain and help others learn to deal with it. Or even,just be here to talk about it. You are doing a wonderful job and I am SO proud of you!!

    AJ

    • Thank you and I couldn’t of done this without your help AJ. You are a strong woman as well to have dealt with all the pain you’ve gone through. I’ve said it before, heartbreak has many faces. Good luck to you and your continued recovery.

  7. OMG- must hear what happens next. Finding out a betrayal like this is so hard, you can’t eat, sleep, or concentrate on anything and constantly feel the need to vomit! I really hope he will never do something like this again, you HAVE to care about your partner enough to always have their feelings in consideration when they’re not around for the relationship to work.. maybe some people just need maturing to realize that even if they are already with the right person? So hope that he has turned around now and realized this! the only thing worse than putting your feelings in this turmoil like this is putting your health or even life in risk by sleeping with another woman when making your partner think your relationship is manogamous! I’m so sorry he put you through this! Can’t wait to see how you dealt with it!

    • I wholeheartedly agree. Every circumstance is different but the pain of betrayal is the same. I hope he’s changed, that’s all people can do. There are no guarantees in life but you are right, he did risk my life and the health of our unborn child while he was having an affair. For that it’s very hard to forgive. All I can do is move forward. Keep coming back for more of the story. It doesn’t end here.

  8. I have had Bitches like that in my life. Why do some women want men that are taken? I swear I would never do that to someone else, it hurts tooooo bad! I hate ppl who lie! The truth doesn’t hurt like a lie. I personally don’t believe I will ever get that close to a man again. I don’t want the heartache.

    • There are some really desperate women out there, who are just as selfish. They can’t see past their wants and needs and don’t care who they hurt. I do believe in karma though and think if you help to participate in the pain you cause others, it will come back to you ten fold. That’s the only thing that keeps me going. I hope one day Lesli you do allow yourself to open up to another man, because there are some good ones out there. You just got to dig through rocks to find your diamond.

      • Maybe one day… I’m just not looking for “him”. With my daughter I want positive energy and happiness. I have no time for games or drama.

  9. I’m a new reader to this blog
    I have been there…your writing made me want to cry revisiting what I went thru

    I hope and pray ur situation is now ok-I worked things out after a fiancé cheating but it was the hardest pain I have ever felt

    thank u for sharing your story-

    • Thank you for reading. I’m sorry it brought up old wounds. It’s been a long journey and I can say that I learned a lot from it. Learned a lot about my strength and gained a new sense of self from it. People rarely talk about the pain but I think it’s important for those who have gone through it or are going through it to know that there are others out there that can relate. I know it helped me and still helps me to know that I’m not the only one. Good luck to you and I’m glad that you were able to work through it.

  10. I just donot have any words to say to you.Hope I can take your pain away.God bless you and your kids.You are a good writer too .Maybe enormous pain made you a good writer.I wish noone has to go through what you had to.Can’t wait for next part of it.


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